Papers

Why I Love Public Radio

Editor — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 03:16:48 +0000

There are many reasons to check out your local public radio station. So go do it. No commercials, more content, high-quality content—you won’t be disappointed.

Cussin'

Editor — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 04:02:05 +0000

I’ve been saying shit too much lately—in my head, mostly, or under my breath. I hate it. An excessive use of four-letter words signals (to me) a lack of imagination, a fondness for vulgarity, and a cynicism to the world.

Tomatoes and strawberries at the supermarket, a poor soul’s unfortunate haircut, and the choking air quality in a crowded city: all shit. Someone, stop me.

Beef or Chicken?

Editor — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:37:18 +0000

At eight hours into a 12-hour flight, the next to last thing most passengers want is to smell unidentifiable and inescapable strong scents. Perhaps airlines are using mass nausea as a new method of pacification. I guess it works as long as no one gets nauseated enough to actually throw up.

Which would almost be more welcome—at least I would understand the odor barreling its way to me.

Hat-Wearer

Editor — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 03:59:19 +0000

Does a hat choose its wearer, or does the wearer choose the hat?

After all, some hats are so egregiously hideous one can’t imagine a person consciously putting one of the things on his or her head. These hats must alight atop one’s crown, like fire or an ugly, ugly bird.

Just Beat It

Editor — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:14:04 +0000

Because:

It does not matter who is wrong or right
You want to stay alive
Their words are really clear
This is not Truth or Dare

Gluttony

Editor — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:06:40 +0000

Oh, Lord, forgive me for this Thanksgiving meal I am about to consume (and for which I am very thankful). There’s just so much good food and I’m going to eat all of it.

No Cats

Editor — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:08:50 +0000

I’m allergic to cats. Oh, cats, always sneaking up on me, pretending to be the pets of friends—friends heretofore thought to be feline-less. No, they are not pets but impostors and evildoers.

These cats, all cats, have been waiting for me to visit a new friends’ home. Waiting to snuggle with my coat as it lays helpless atop the guestroom bed. Waiting to rub the length of their furry bodies slowly against my pant leg.

Cats do these things because they know I’m allergic. THEY KNOW.

Ladies' Accessories

Editor — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:11:14 +0000

I would like a new pair of warm boots for winter. I even know The Boot I would like to wear: the shape of its toe, the height of its heel, the material of the leg shaft, the quality of the sole.

I’ve found The Boot everywhere—but someone else is always already wearing it. Perhaps one of you will sell it to me? Right now? We’ll trade?

Pantyhose?

Editor — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 02:44:34 +0000

How sexy is an undergarment that similates sausage casing? I give it two thumbs down and one bad pun. (More like pantynose.)

I Like Free Stuff

Editor — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 02:58:59 +0000

Especially, free quality stuff, like these two free record labels.

RCRD LBL

Superorganica